Do Over ...

Remember when you were a kid and playing a game and your attempt didn't go they you planned and you would call "Do over"? I remember those times. You usually had to give a reason for the need of a "do over", in other words it couldn't just be that you didn't like the results of your first attempt. You know, the sun in your eyes, someone in your way, someone made you laugh by doing ... well you can fill that one in depending on how proper your friends were, as for my friends ... you had to rationalize your need for a "do over". This would sometimes result in a senate chamber type debate of the validity of your position and every once in a while you prevailed and got a "do over".

What a great feeling that was, to know that your first attempt that failed, or at the very least didn't go the way you envisioned, didn't count. To know that you got a fresh start and your first attempt was being held against you. You probably think I am going to now wax eloquently (Although if you have read this blog often you know I rarely wax eloquently. What exactly is waxing anyway?) about some spiritual application of God's forgiveness. Actually that would be a very good lead in to a post about that, maybe I will do that sometime, but not this time.

This time I wish I could call "do over" to a discussion I was a part of recently. I really blew it. I mean we are talking blow as in the hurricane or atomic category of blowing it. I mean I really ... enough of that, let's get to the "do over". The difficult thing for me is realizing that I don't get a "do over" on this one. I am going to have the discussion again to try and clarify, but I can't go back and start fresh. You see I didn't prepare as well as I knew I should have and I didn't read the atmosphere the way I know is necessary when introducing major change. In other words I have no one to blame but myself and myself blew it. Did I mention I blew it?

Now comes the even harder part of trying to explain not only the potential change, but to heal some of the damage done in previous attempt. I sure wish I could call for a "do over". Instead I must remember the way this feels and use it to do so much better in the future. I realize that I am dealing with good people who love me (That's my story and I am sticking to it.) and really don't want me to blow it the way I did recently. But the stench from that first attempt is still lingering in the air. I can't close my eyes, click my heels together and wish it would go away. I must stand up and admit my errors (That's right, there are more than one of them.) and do the hard work of repair and moving forward in spite of myself.

Then again maybe I will try closing my eyes, wishing I was on the empty lot back in Anderson with the gang, and yelling at the top of my lungs "Do Over!!!" What do you think, will it work?