What a waste ...

God has really been speaking and ministering to me lately. It seems to have begun around the time I really committed myself to more, and more focused, prayer and more reading of the Bible. What do you think is there any correlation in this? Part of my prayer recently has been for a burden. Not a generic burden, but some specific, focused and real (flesh and bones of real people and real needs with names and faces) burdens. Well God has been faithful and he is answering my prayer. I must confess that this week I have wondered if isn't time for God to stop with the whole burden thing.

I am learning however that if we are interested God will answer the prayer and I am coming to understand that the only way the burdens will be lifted is by acting on them or ignoring them and running away from them. The first option (acting on the burdens) is not always attractive, at least not from the whole enjoyment and comfort desires that most of us live by. The second option (running away or ignoring) does not really bring relief and to be perfectly honest I have already exercised the second option multiple times and found it to be completely unfulfilling, from a making an impact in my community and world. I am just beginning to understand the value, and the cost, of the first option and I am sure I can say with certainty that unfulfilled will not be one of the feelings.

This afternoon as I sat at my computer to begin finalizing my less for my class tonight (don't even begin to act shocked that I am finishing it up less than 3 hours before I will be teaching) I began weeping. Not just a tear rolling down my cheek, but rather open sobbing with snot running. My cry to God was "I don't want to waste my life". The burdens I am praying for are becoming very real and nearly overwhelming, but I cannot go back and I don't want to go back to a burdenless existence.

So my cry today is that I don't want to waste my life. I don't know exactly what this means or where it will lead. But do know that I don't want to waste my life. I want to spend the rest of my life acting on these burdens. I don't want to just talk about them, though that is necessary at times, but I want to do something about them.

I don't want to come to the end of my life, whenever that may be, and have people say "What a waste!" I don't really care if I am completely understood (let's face it I have never been completely understood, but usually for different reasons), but I do care that people know that I am living what I claim to believe and am acting on the burdens God has laid on me.