Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Love Story continued ...

I soon discovered that life as an engaged person was somewhat different than just dating. Such as
…you spent time planning for an event that you really don’t understand. You check in with each other more often and keep each other more up to date on what you are doing and where you are going. There is also the way other people treat you once you are engaged. After all the congrats and jokes you are now left out of a lot plans because the assumption is that you are busy with your fiancé. There are usually some moments of, “Wait a minute, I am getting married. That is a really big deal. Am I ready for this?” The answer is, yes it is a REALLY BIG deal and no, you are not ready for this.

I/we began to learn a big lesson that is true for too many weddings. The lesson was that sometimes your wedding is not really your wedding. I can see many of you nodding your head as you read this and remember your wedding planning. What I mean is that sometimes family members forget that it is your wedding and do more dictating than suggesting. My father in law was fine, my parents were fine but my mother in law seemed to forget that it was supposed to be our wedding and not hers. Jody and I would get together and talk about things we wanted and didn’t want (not things that changed the money issue of the wedding for those who are thinking this was the issue) and then her mom would change those things. Sometimes this happened with a declaration without discussion. I loved my mother in law but we did not do well when it came to wedding planning. During this time I learned another big lesson on wedding planning and your relationship with your fiancé. The lesson was that it is a stressful time and you need to realize it is not personal (unless of course you are being jerk about it all), you need to be as supportive as possible. The thing we kept reminding ourselves was that all that really mattered was that we get married. The rest of it is not life and death.

I must insert here that I share much of this with couples that I counsel before doing their weddings. I try to remind them of what really matters while also counseling them to share their feelings with the parents and remind the parents that this is supposed to be their children’s wedding. I also address it at every wedding rehearsal before we get started. I let everyone know that I have been meeting/talking with the couple and they have shared what they want in their wedding. Then I say “If you have other ideas about how their wedding should be done save it for your wedding because this is the wedding of this couple.” That has an interesting impact on rehearsals at times. I will let your imagination go with that image.

We actually drew closer during this time. We were learning about each other even in our disagreements. After all, this was who I had chosen to be my mate for life, we better figure out how to handle tension. We weren’t always good at this, and looking back on it now we would handle a lot of it differently but we were committed to each other and that matters more than anything else.

Life, and school, continued as we rushed toward our wedding day. Some highlights of this time were …


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